Turning Point

Hi guys! It’s been ages since I have published something worthwhile here. Though I know, you often see my posts in my other blog, Books in My Baggage (If not, feel free to check it out), I have not published any article here in a while.

This is not because I have forgotten about you all, but because I am currently working on myself.

As what they say, you can not give what you don’t have.

Thus, I am earnestly working towards my self-development so that I’d be able to share more values to my readers.

Last two years was a little tough and had challenged my grit and perseverance so much, to the point of giving up at some point. It wasn’t life changing or tear jerking though. Nothing that you need to worry about.

And maybe the reason why I keep on reading books about winning and loosing. The wisdom I’ve gain from those books were 100 folds more than the price that I got them, which I am very thankful about.

Last year 2016, though I’ve had a lot of family travels and started to see and experience more places, I have not posted some of those here and I am so sorry about it. I have also removed some of the travel and food posts here too. I have thought about it a number of times because my travels wasn’t only really about the shallow parts of travelling.

The travels here were more than places. Sometimes, it’s about traveling back n time – reflecting about what happened in the pasts that have shaped my today and can surely affect the future.

Though this blog will still be about travelling and inspiration, I just felt like it is time to re brand it.

Travel, reflect, inspire and express will still be four verbs that I’ll keep but would be using them in a different context.

Travel Reflections and Expressive Inspiration.

And that is the value that we will give you in the long run. For sure, there are questions that are running in your head right now and the About Page of this blog has been updated for your consumption, but let me also put it here in the posts to serve more audience.

What is Travel Reflections?

Travel reflections isn’t only about discovering new places and hot spots in town, it’s also about travelling through time – by going through the past, analyzing the present and preparing for the future.

How about, Expressive Inspiration?

Expressive inspiration is when you are lured to negativity but you choose to be positive and inspire others. Expressive inspiration isn’t common nowadays. You know why? It’s because it’s easy to quit, say goodbye and reset your life.

Why Re brand?

This is also my fourth branding: My Baggage Counter, Blog Made to Inspire, Travel.Reflect.Inspire.Express and right now, TRI Express.

And I’m never gonna stop until I’ll find what is best for this site, that can also allow me to  embrace my love for reflections and inspiration.

I am an advocate of self-awareness and believes in what Lao Tsu said,

“Knowing others is intelligence;knowing yourself is true wisdom.Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.”

Don’t get me wrong and might think that knowing thyself is a selfish act, for I will revert back to our first point which is, “You can not give what you don’t have”. 

Giving yourself the wisdom that you need is never selfishness. Because the more you feed your mind with relative soulful thoughts, the more you’ll continuously give value to people around you.

This is my life’s turning point. When value to people is my greatest goal. And I will always live in my mantra,

“If you cannot change the world, at the very least, change yourself.”

Imagine a community that would want to change themselves to their greatest version, what a wonderful world this could become. 🙂

Ramblings of a People-Pleaser

“Libra’s are kind but some people construed it as their weakness”

Is being kind considered a weakness?
That is the question I keep asking myself. They’d say, fake it ’till you make it. But no matter how I feign sarcasm and rudeness just to conceal my total kindness; somehow, it has been a total fail. I can appear snob or indifferent for the first few hours you’d know me but after that “getting to know you” stage, I’d be all smiles and that natural kindness would come out.

Sometimes, I also hate myself from being too nice. Most of the time, I’d consider other people’s feelings more than mine. This kindness will eventually become a weakness if I’d meet a person who wouldn’t consider my feelings because I have allowed them to take mine (feelings) for granted. So far, I had been lucky enough to finally identify those people and when I do, all I have to do is make a detour and snob them as much as I can ( I just don’t want it to be so obvious so as not yo hurt their feelings; see, I still have the knack to think about how’d they’d feel even though I know, they really don’t care about mine.) They’d say, I am a people-pleaser whereas, I know in my heart I just don’t want chaos and I never want anybody to feel bad because of me.

 Sometimes, I think I have high EQ (Emotional Quotient) or I am just too naive and gullible at times.

I don’t get mad easily but when I do, it’ll stay for weeks, months and years. I had a hard time moving on and I keep grudges. That’s why I don’t want to get mad at anybody. For me, it’s like a glass – once broken, it’ll never be the same like before. Not that I don’t forgive, because I do, but I never forget. And that’s the real reason why I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feeling. I don’t want a mark in my forehead that says, “She hurt me before, and she might hurt me again.”

Being a people-please has its own perils too. Like delivering bad news. I am never good at playing the bad cop. Being the optimist also has a bad side. Sometimes, I am inside my personal bubble where it’s always sunny and no rainy days. It’s the stars that I see in every darkness and it’s always the half full one. But sometimes, I would also ask, does that mean I am not facing reality?

Is it really a sin to become a people-pleaser when all you want is peace from all sides and angles of the situation? Is it really hard to maintain balance in this world?

At the end of the day, this is the best me I want to be become.

Be Strong, but not rude.
Be kind, but not weak.
Be bold, but not bully.
Be humble, but not shy.
Be confident, but not arrogant.

I want to meet her soon.

Getting Back on Track

After last year’s blast, I thought I’d never feel lost again. I thought I’ve conquered myself enough and thus, when I felt the same emptiness at the start of this year, I was at lost too and asked, “Why, Again?”. I got myself to tears and I would pray the same lines I did 5 years ago
I thought I was done with it.

I have goals everyday, I’d still get excited to go to work but then, there is something missing that I can’t explain.

FOCUS

The same written words I told myself last year and I thought I lost it again. I realize when you lose that focus, you will lose your direction as well. You’d be in limbo; in crossroads and you don’t know where to go and you’d wander.

And that’s what I discovered. That every time I’d feel lost, I have to focus on what I want rather than contemplating on the past and thinking of some things I don’t have any control.

Life is like a Ferris wheel as they say. Sometimes, you’d see the overview of things underneath but there are times, you have to look up and see what’s happening above you and try to reach the top again. I realize that I should never stop dreaming and aim for the best. Because if I stop, I’d just go back to the same old me that I never wanted to be anymore. There should never be complacency and we are not destined to realize everything. That’s what surprises are for. 

I think at some point, I would still go back to that same old feeling of emptiness but one must always remember the power of focus for us to get back on track.

Why I Write

30 or 40 years from now, I’d be nearing 70 years old and maybe too weak to ever grab a pen, too old to see my hand writing or maybe wouldn’t be able to comprehend what I have written.

True enough, for now, I write for myself – to get rid of my never-ending ideas in mind, baggage counter to my endless rants and opinions that I don’t get to say out loud sometimes. But for now, I write because I am at the peak of my health, my power and my life. I still have the capacity to do all these lovely things the world can offer and still have a sound mind to work on my dreams.

Writing is my way of flash backs, the way for me to rewind my life and it’s how I reflect and deflect on the past – both good and bad. It made me revisit my old self – to evaluate how it has been for the last few years and to see how I’d improve.

It’s my way of getting to know myself. But at the same time, it’s an extension of myself too. Especially those who doesn’t know me and judge me. I am always a victim of first impression – well, I think everyone is.

I want to write, for you to know me – how I think and at the very least, spread my beliefs and so with how I think. I write because when the time comes that I’d be weak or may be done with my mission here, people will still learn from some wisdom I get to acquire during my prime age. I write because writing ceases the moment into a memory where I can go back to anytime. I write how blessed I am just so I won’t forget it when I feel sad or if problems infest me and my idealism.

Writing is a way for me release myself to the world when all they do is trying to impress people they don’t like. I write because I am an old soul in this new generation.

Writing is my way of saving this day, which will eventually become my past so, I am prepared for an unknown future.

Be Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

I ran out of words, tongue-tied and I can not defend and explain myself and so with my answers. That’s what happened when I was interviewed and presented my case study when I applied for a higher position at work.

I wasn’t nervous and I wasn’t the same person I used to be. I think no one can make me that nervous anymore (unlike before). And I’d give the credit to that full year of roller coaster ride at work. At some point, I thought I was ready to step up and receive more responsibility. Just thinking about it was surreal but after those series of assessments, I realize I am not.

Those assessments I believe is not for the company to gauge your skills, decision-making and conviction but it’s for the candidate to know his/her readiness to face the upcoming stress/stressors that will come their way ahead.

It was never about position for me, It was about honing more people to become a better version of themselves. I imagine training trainers and those trainers will eventually train more people – not only with skills but also with the right attitude and behavior – thinking that I’d be able to share my life learning excites me. But I have to be aware that it is not a perfect world. There is black and there is white. Sometimes, gray must also be considered.
I even bought this book (How to Influence People by John Maxwell) to prepare but the more I immerse myself into it, the more I am realizing how inept I am just yet. I even didn’t finish the book because I have yet to know more strategies for myself before mentoring other people. If I mirror myself now, I realize, I’d be creating a person that is not yet so prepared.  I know I am not yet ready for something bigger not because I don’t deserve it but because I have to experience more and have a full grasp of my own management style and personality.

I have realized a lot of loopholes that I have yet to fill in.

 Thinking how my interview went still gave me headache and as we know, truth hurts and I am still hurt (and trying to move on) knowing my inabilities and incompetence.
On the other hand, I will always be thankful that I went thru that process because now, I know how it feels like to be “grilled” and get to see how I management myself when I am stressed.
If there is one triumph I get to claim after those events, I can now say, I am becoming comfortable being uncomfortable. That I can handle myself and I still have my calm persona in any situation. That I can still clearly think (though not fully explain myself) when placed in stressful situation.
I can not be more thankful for that experience and now, I have to start filling those loopholes and again, becoming a better version of myself will always be my goal in life. I don’t care how many version will I end up becoming but I know for sure, it will lead to where I should be and I will continue to work hard to be that person I always dreamed to be.