I had to deep breathe and search inside my head for something exciting to write about. It was dull. Black and white. Nothing to say, nothing to preach.

After work, for the last three months I think, I’d find myself staring blankly with nothing in mind. Not the usual overthinking me. It’s as if, I just want to shut down and just be free from anything. Feel myself and my heart beat.

What I’d search in youtube? Not the Ted talk I used to, but some operating room surgery – pimple popping videos or anything that doesn’t require thinking – just watching.

I don’t know if this is healthy or not but for sometime, I’m nothing but my work and my advocacy to make my line of business successful. It has been my life. Even my dreams would be composed of my work stuff ; and sadly, I never got annoyed with it.

Maybe, I’ve placed my heart and soul into it, thinking it was my own company that I run. Sometimes, I open my office’ door and think, I will have a company like this. (Just weird things I’ve thought about. Something random).

My passion right now, is not only to write and read, just like before. Passion do also evolve. (Good to know!) Just like self discovery and Learning. It never ceases. It changes, time after time and you must find yourself up to date all the time. My passion right now, is facing challenges with dignity. Sometimes, I think I’m unstoppable. Thank you, to all the struggles I have faced these days. I am maturing professionally and I like it. Maybe, the more problems I get to encounter and resolve, the better I’d become in the future.

It’s still not making sense right now and I have multiple unanswered questions in my head too.

But what can I do? I submit to what my heart truly desires and leave it all up to the author of my life. What I can promise Him is, in everything that I do, I’d do out of love and with His guidance, I know I can conquer anything.

So help me, God.

This is my ephemeral outburst 02/16/2016 😊
The feelings ain’t apathy anymore. It’s the burning desire and belief, that we can make it through the rain. It’s as if, success is within our reach. 😱😊

Another Maybe – Not

Weird it is for people to come inside my life and go instantly – JUST LIKE THAT. Ages ago, goodbyes hurt so much, thinking it was solely my fault (Well, it still does but not as much as before). At some point, I’d still ask myself, was it really me who is at fault? Or is it just not meant to last? That, their role in my life is over and I just need to move on?

This ain’t only about love but so as friendship. They say, nothing is forever but why does it come to you like a lifetime of agony and a repeated cycle, to be endured over and over again? Do I really have to get used to it and just move on, one heartbreak after another?

I think the answer is yes, but why does it seem to be so constant, that every person I meet, is expected to go and just leave me behind? Was it because I’ve empowered them to become better and use their folded wings behind them? Do I really intimidate them that much? Or was I too strong and opinionated to be handled? Am I being too authentic, early on?

I’m ain’t a victim here because it’s not like I don’t know how to adapt to changes, because I do. However, because of too much adaptability, sometimes, when I think they are drifting away, it seems to be expected and made me look like, I expect crap from people, which I know, shouldn’t be; for I always believe, there is someone out there that will last and will stay.

I just stare somewhere and think about them, those that had been my “maybe’s” that never became that somebody, hoping that someday, I can ask them this question, “What happened?”.

This is my ephemeral outburst 02/17/2016

That Last Election

Three weeks after that, not so social media friendly election, we are back to our normal lives. Somehow, I have witnessed a few number of presidential elections in the past and this by far is the most controversial one – I think. I’m never a political analyst of some sort and I am a normal Filipino citizen but the blast of that election has been felt all over the social networking sites.

How many of us have had a heated conversation/s with our friends or family members because of our differences in what we believe is “right”? How many of us unfriend-ed some people  in our friend list because of too much posts, status and opinions related to politics and elections? How many friendship has been tested?

It has been a very long 3 months of campaign period and if there is one things I learned from that last election, it is Respect.

That each one of us wanted to be heard and not all people are mature enough to understand the simple fact that we are all different from each other. I realize that no matter how close you are to anybody (your best friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, mother, sister, father etc), you can have two opposing beliefs that can test your relationship especially if one won’t be sensitive enough, towards other people’s feelings.

That you will never be able to impose anything to anybody. No matter how hard you try. You can convince them of your points, but you will never change their minds just like that.

It was then that I realize how different we really are and how unique one can think. Some bizarre, unjustifiable and some, have passionate love towards their candidates. It’s awesome to think that I get to experience that last election. It was the first time that I get to see myself so involved and even up until now when it’s all over and done, I see myself reading some write ups that I don’t usually read before (things that never really interest me, until now) – cabinet members, election proclamation, current events etc.

I’m not sure if it’s because we, the millennials are starting to be involved or was it our time to shine, because we were once the kids that has now grown up to finally fulfill the promise that “A nations’ hope is their children”.

Be Prepared for the Shit Sandwich

I’ve Waited Long for This

That was the article I wrote after getting what I dreamed of, 5 years ago – to become a trainer. It wasn’t an easy road to get through. Roadblocks, setbacks, hurdles, struggles and I must admit, I wasn’t prepared for the shit sandwich.

But first of all, what is a “Shit Sandwich”?

It was Elizabeth Gilbert who introduced that notion to me. Shit sandwich is the “shit” that comes along with your dream. It’s the struggles that you have to face and you should endure, for you to get into or stick with your dream. It’s the concept when someone tells you, “You can’t succeed!” because you are not enough. It’s the depression that you’d feel thereafter and these are the stormy days that you face just to become your dream.

If you are a singer, the shit sandwich that you should face is the booing of people while you perform and those people who’d belittle your talent, If you are a dancer, that is the crack in your bone that hinders you to perform well. For students, it’s the homework that you have to do and the projects that you have to finish. And for me, it’s the complexity of the whole dream of mine. Makes me think, “Do I really want this?”; something that I never saw coming.

As what I’ve read too, in one of John Maxwell’s book,

“The Punch that knocks you out is not necessarily the hardest one, but the one that you didn’t see coming.”

So, every struggle that you face, are there for a reason. To continuously ask you, “Do you really want this? if Yes, then, conquer me. You may quit anytime. Probably, this is not really your dream. Maybe this is a dream that was only imposed to you. A dream that you thought you wanted, but in reality, you don’t give a damn.

I’ve also found an article too, where one famous writer, the author of Harry Potter Series, THE J.K Rowling, posted her rejection letters to her fans to give them inspiration to dream big and never let this shit sandwich come their way. Who would have known that someone like her has been rejected when she was starting. If she gave up, we would never have known, who Harry Potter is.

So, before I’d end up this article, I will leave you with the question, what shit sandwich are you willing to take for you to fight for your dream? Somethings we need to ponder on.

Freedom Writers (Movie Suggestion)

Just like Miracle Worker, Freedom Writers is another inspiring story about a teacher.

“Teachers have infinite influence to the youth”

This movie is about the burning passion of a teacher, to teach kids in rehab. Those kids that were constantly been involved in brawls, drugs and addiction. Kids who were homeless, abused and those that were victims of child violence. These kids were basically, the problem of the society who never see the importance of studying because of how they were raised and the lack of guidance from their family.

They were judged because of their juvenile records in jail and had been exposed to the darker side of this world.

It’s a story about a teacher named, Ms. Erin Gruwell who believed in the abilities and talents of these kids despite their attitude towards her in the beginning.

A tear jerking story it is, because of its tough start.Her students initially do not respect her because they were wounded from the inside. She made them believe how great they are by listening to their stories and by genuinely caring for them. They have trusted her and opened up to her because of her sincerity towards them, that soon gained their respect.

It was also a difficult time for her when she was trying to get more resources for her students. Her advocacy wasn’t supported by her boss and the school management because of their skepticism towards the success of her goal for her students.

She was able to turn the table around both for her students and the school by giving them hope that people can change. She was able to teach these kids real life lessons that  has inspired them to become better individuals.

It was also an eye-opener on how a teacher should be. That their responsibility isn’t limited within the four corners of the classroom but also even outside of their school life – real life lessons that they can use even outside school.

They had been a family after that encounter and they were able to graduate high school (some of them graduated first in the family) because of Ms. G’s passionate gusto to teach them and help them. Another real life story which made it touch the hearts of its audience even more.

This movie made me learn that every person matters, every story counts. If we only have the guts to care about them, then we can turn the world around too.

Enjoy watching! 🙂