Ramblings of a People-Pleaser

“Libra’s are kind but some people construed it as their weakness”

Is being kind considered a weakness?
That is the question I keep asking myself. They’d say, fake it ’till you make it. But no matter how I feign sarcasm and rudeness just to conceal my total kindness; somehow, it has been a total fail. I can appear snob or indifferent for the first few hours you’d know me but after that “getting to know you” stage, I’d be all smiles and that natural kindness would come out.

Sometimes, I also hate myself from being too nice. Most of the time, I’d consider other people’s feelings more than mine. This kindness will eventually become a weakness if I’d meet a person who wouldn’t consider my feelings because I have allowed them to take mine (feelings) for granted. So far, I had been lucky enough to finally identify those people and when I do, all I have to do is make a detour and snob them as much as I can ( I just don’t want it to be so obvious so as not yo hurt their feelings; see, I still have the knack to think about how’d they’d feel even though I know, they really don’t care about mine.) They’d say, I am a people-pleaser whereas, I know in my heart I just don’t want chaos and I never want anybody to feel bad because of me.

 Sometimes, I think I have high EQ (Emotional Quotient) or I am just too naive and gullible at times.

I don’t get mad easily but when I do, it’ll stay for weeks, months and years. I had a hard time moving on and I keep grudges. That’s why I don’t want to get mad at anybody. For me, it’s like a glass – once broken, it’ll never be the same like before. Not that I don’t forgive, because I do, but I never forget. And that’s the real reason why I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feeling. I don’t want a mark in my forehead that says, “She hurt me before, and she might hurt me again.”

Being a people-please has its own perils too. Like delivering bad news. I am never good at playing the bad cop. Being the optimist also has a bad side. Sometimes, I am inside my personal bubble where it’s always sunny and no rainy days. It’s the stars that I see in every darkness and it’s always the half full one. But sometimes, I would also ask, does that mean I am not facing reality?

Is it really a sin to become a people-pleaser when all you want is peace from all sides and angles of the situation? Is it really hard to maintain balance in this world?

At the end of the day, this is the best me I want to be become.

Be Strong, but not rude.
Be kind, but not weak.
Be bold, but not bully.
Be humble, but not shy.
Be confident, but not arrogant.

I want to meet her soon.

Choosing Happiness

I choose happinessHow many times have we heard this phrase, “happiness is a choice.” in every self-help books we read and every inspirational Youtube video you watch online. But how do you really choose happiness? And when do you NOT choose happiness?

You know you aren’t choosing happiness if you succumb to depression. If you say you don’t have enough, if you compare your life to others and you aren’t satisfied with what you have.

You know you are not choosing happiness if all you do is complain about how your life is going – you have no job, your work environment is not healthy, you don’t have enough money, your sister is much prettier, your brother achieved more than you do, your best friend has a new car and you describe your life as miserable.

You know you are not choosing happiness if you feel like you have not followed what you really want to do in your life.

You know you are not choosing happiness if you are single and you loathe yourself thinking you don’t deserve to be loved.

Happiness is a choice but how do you choose happiness given these circumstances that you have right now?

Before going to our “how” we must know the “why” first and this is what you should always think about if you started to feel unhappy.
So, first and foremost, answer this question, “Why do you want to be happy?”

My answer to that question is, “Who doesn’t?”

You may think you were choosing happiness but unfortunately, happiness does not want to be with you.
Well, try to look at yourself in another perspective and answer this question.

“Are you happy?”

If you have any hesitations while answering it, you are definitely not choosing happiness. For sure, you succumb yourself to your problems – at home, in school, at work, with your friends, with money matters, relationship and other aspect of your life.

So ask your self again, “Are you happy?” And reiterate that “Happiness is a choice.”

But, how do we choose happiness?

1. Smile… 🙂 though your heart is aching

Our body movements may indirectly affect our mood. It’s one of the tricks I have tried and tested several times and will always work. Smile in the midst of a problem and you’ll find your moral uplifted in an instant. Cry once in a while but when you are out, give your smile to the world.

2. Talk to Yourself

Of course, not in public. You don’t want your office mates/ friends to freak out.
Every morning, when you get up, talk to yourself and motivate yourself that this will be a great day. By the end of the day, let go of the things you have no control over with.

Motivation and Letting Go

Always see the bright side of every dark situation. As what they say, fake it ’till you make it – yes, it’s applicable to happiness too.
Treat every problem as an opportunity to shine.

3. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

This is one of the happiness killers in the world – envy and greed. You don’t need validation from anybody. They may have the things that you don’t have but they may also not have the things that you have. What they post online is not their true self. It’s the best that they can offer the world. Everybody has problems and no one is spared of any inconvenience and misfortunes. You are just not aware of it.

Our world comprises of endless problems yet, we need not to dwell on all of it. Stick with your guns and instead of complaining about how your life is going, start finding ways to solve it – one problem at a time.

4. Find Yourself

Know what you want and the desires of your heart. Focus on it. This may sound cliche but surely, it will work – soul searching. Go somewhere, enjoy  your own company. Know what your deepest insecurities are and start accepting every single one of it. Nobody will love you like the way you love yourself.

5. Be Grateful

No matter how scarce your resources are, be thankful for it. Be grateful that you were given the chance to see the beauty of the world. Train yourself to celebrate the ordinary things because the extra ordinary things can take care of itself. 

Smile, get up, dress up and look for something to be thankful for. This will surely make you choose your own happiness. Tell me other ways of choosing happiness. 🙂 Happy Sunday all! 

I’ve Waited Long For This

Have you ever prayed for something before and it started to materialize one by one?
That it was just a thought 4 years ago and has now become a reality?

“Be careful what you wish for ‘coz you might just get it”

Yes, you have to be careful with what you wish for because we’d never know if we can get it or not. But what would you feel if it wasn’t the way you thought it was?

It’s presented with a lot of problems.
Unstable.
Stressful.
Unhappy.

and everything you thought was just assumptions?

How would you react to it?

Absurd isn’t?

Would you still like to stay for it? or would you be fixing the problem that you get along the way?

Imagine yourself wishing and longing for love. You thought it was all roses; that thorns were out of the picture. But when you finally knew what love is, it was a vein of thorns that has a rose on it.

But remember, it was still the place that you once prayed for.

Would you still fight for it?

Those thorns that will prick you along the way were the hindrances and challenges that will let you question your dream. If you really want it, you will accept every flaw that it has shown you. Love (and life) has always been like that. It will never give you a bed roses without thorns on it. Life will always find reason to challenge you and so with your dreams. If you really want it, no matter what it takes, you will fight for it. it’s life way of asking you,

How much do you really want to have it?
Are you going to accept everything about it even the inconveniences it’ll give you?
Will you continue to love it even though you’ve seen and felt its flaws?

Life has its own way of challenging you. the question is, “Are you willing to accept the challenges it beholds, for you to get what you have always dreamed of?”

The C-H-A-N-G-E Chronicles

“CHANGE” Starts With a Letter “C” as Chaos 

Since I have started to know what “C” stands for, better yet give my other insights about the next five letters in the word “CHANGE”.

There will be Chaos because there will be a lot of Hindrances as you come along with this new transition in your life, love or business. People will definitely be uncomfortable with the “new” idea that you have presented and you will most likely get violent reactions and negative feedback. There will definitely be a turmoil and you will start to question this idea.

Then, you will experience ambivalence.

You will suddenly question your own idea and have some doubts about it. You will also feel bad about your decision and might feel depressed about it as well.

This must be the toughest part of CHANGE because if you don’t have strong will and won’t believe in your own strength, you will be disheartened and might lose hope and won’t pursue with what you really want.

During the ambivalence stage, you have to be optimistic and you need to be strong. If not, you will be swayed and might not go on with the next step.

If you find other people not satisfied with your ideas, go to them and Negotiate.

During the Negotiation stage, learn to be open-minded and keep your calm attitude. You have to listen more, instead of talking. You were already given the chance to present your own thoughts and it’s time for you to know how others perceive about those.

You might hear opinions that can hurt you and your ego, nevertheless, consider it as constructive criticism instead of destructive. Try to know their point of view and ask them if they have any idea on how to avoid such negative things.

Learn to compromise.

Sometimes, you need to swallow your pride as well just to make things better.

After ironing things with your subordinates or the people involve, you get to land on the next stage which is the Guts stage.

You need to have the guts to go along with this transition and find the courage to eliminate the things that needs to be eliminated.

Sometimes, you should also have the audacity to implement this new negotiated idea. Yes, sometimes, you have to be daring and fearless as well.

Next would be the Evaluation stage. In this stage, you will know if you went back to Chaos stage or you have been successful.

During this stage, you will evaluate if you have Excelled  or you need to formulate a new idea and you have to Exit.

Remember, this is a cycle.

C-H-A-N-G-E

Chaos- Hindrances- Ambivalence- Negotiate- Gut-Evaluation (Excel or Exit)

Tell me how you feel about this chronicles? Does it make sense?

Feel free to comment below. ~!~

Procrastination Antidote: Always Get Things Done

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Did you remember my post about Saying No to “Not”(Click the title to view it)

Though I have been trying to practice it, like everyone else, I find it so bizarre and hard to follow. And I certainly know, I also break that.

And, as I was writing that article, there is one word that I had a hard time, looking for its positive counter part. That word is Procrastination.

This is one killer word for me. I am certainly a slave of it. (Who isn’t? right?)

I always considered myself  The Great Procrastinator.

But, I got this light bulb moment after days of writing that article and that is the positive phrase for that killer word which can not only benefit me but also others (especially you guys, my readers).

That is “Always Get things Done”.

There is something in that phrase that makes me want to finish all the things I have started and some motivation to begin with. It keeps me going as well. I even placed it on my wall to remind me to always do something productive for the day.

Remember, to keep a happy life, always feed our minds with positive thoughts! Shoo away negatives! 🙂 As what they always say, just live, love and laugh. ~!~