Dead Man Stock Image - Image: 28254981

Definition of Term:
Dead kid = in Filipino, “Patay na Bata”; a person who does things alone most of the time and who doesn’t speak much in a crowd. Can also be considered as a “wallflower”. (I’m not sure if it’s an accepted Filipino term tho. :p)
When I told my former office mates about this term, they laughed out loud because it was their first time to know it and it exactly described me when I was with them (actually even with my colleagues now).
It all started when I was in college when my professor then, called me “The Dead Kid”. He even described me as “apathetic” and “indifferent”.
It actually didn’t hurt my ego back then because I know I am doing good in my written exams, thesis and anything that doesn’t require speaking in front of my classmates. He usually commended me with my written works and homeworks but is always pissed off when I am not speaking in his class.
Years after, I read this book by Dr. Herbert Fensterhein and wife Jean Baer, “Don’t Say Yes When you Want to Say No” ,suddenly, I felt a pang of pain in my chest.
If you are going to concise those words that describes me, one word will fit it all: PASSIVE
I started to contemplate how passive my life had been when it comes to decisions, career, love, relationship and almost everything.
This made me realize that passiveness is a sign of immaturity and one should get rid of this.
I know, I haven’t overcome it, but somehow, I am making changes and working on it. May not be evident to others. But right now, I am in charge of my life and actively doing things that I want to do and not because I was told to do. I started to say “No” to others and start saying “Yes” more to myself.
That doesn’t mean I am now speaking more in crowd or trying to control others (instead of them controlling me) I can say, I had been a different person now compared with who I was back then.
Somehow, blogging has helped me do this.
This is my strongest way of communication and might as well just use it to my advantage.
Some say that blogging is all about being “narcissistic” and about being “egoistic” because all you have to do is write about yourself and let other people know about it.
But, blogging is one way of learning something from others and never did I know that this can also be like an “Assertive Training” for me.
When you blog, you actively think of what you will write regardless of what other people will think about you. (though, considering your audience is a MUST, its about getting their attention that is the hardest).
Somehow, this blog has been my voice and though other people might not really hear my voice when I am with them in the office or wherever, somehow, I can say I am more involved now and can now fearlessly publish what is in my mind.
Blogging has helped me somehow overcome my fear of criticism and has allowed me to accept my flaws and express myself more to the world which I had been scared before and this fear has inhibit me to become who I really wanted to become.
On the other hand, I don’t regret my silence in crowd because, in that silence, I was able to observe other people more, both their verbal and non verbal reactions.
As I always say in my posts, I am an introvert and nothing can really change it because this is when I am more connected with myself. Nevertheless, this shouldn’t be an excuse for anyone to be passive and not do something worthwhile in their lives.
Passivity can be Mediocrity’s best friend. (closest friend maybe).
(Mediocrity is another topic I want to dwell on in the future. Right now, I am also a victim of such. I know, what a shame right?)
iamtwixietops ツ

The Value of the Photograph

My Uncle, cousin, two aunts and my mom
Since the era of Facebook arrived, taking some picture has been one of our  favorite annoying hobbies.
Did I just slash off the “annoying” part?
Just to make it less offensive. Well, the culprit of this nuisance is actually too much selfie, posted in my facebook newsfeed.
Okay, I had also been vain and had posted a lot of selfies in my page at some point of my life.
Nevertheless, I always remember to keep it to a minimum  (So as not to annoy my friends too much. I don’t want their news feed to be bombarded with my face everyday. lol)
At some point, I got tired of taking pictures because sometimes, we had been so preoccupied with taking pictures to be posted on our social media accounts without really savoring the moments you are into. 
I lost interest to the point, I’d go to important occasions without a camera with me. (This sometimes pisses my dad off)
I tried to look for good pictures of him with my mom but its no use. We had a number of chance to take those pictures but because of my thoughts about taking “over rated” pictures, it all slipped in my hands.
The only decent pic I got was from 2009 (the picture above).
I just realized how valuable a photograph is. Not only can it trigger emotions (positive and negative ones unfortunately), it can also make you smile every time you miss someone in that particular picture.
In this age where pictures can easily be taken, let’s also not forget the real essence of a photograph. But remember, too much won’t also do any good. Unless of course, if you are a celebrity and has a lot of star quality but, otherwise, please (for God’s sake), do it in moderation.
We must still preserve the value of a photograph without forgetting to relish our present moment.

Friendship vs Courtship

Friendship or Courtship?
Which can be a better foundation of a relationship?
Longer courtship or stable friendship?

Of course, I also don’t know the answer. LOL Just like you, I’m also torn between the two however, I have my own side that you may or may not agree.

I’m no expert in love or in dating or any topic related to that and when it comes to topics like that, I always find it difficult to expound.

Anyhow, I want to start from this perspective: Being Friends.

Once a relationship started with friendship,  (hmm… slash that.) It’s really awkward to start a relationship when you are friends  It’s either one way or its just plain awkward.

Especially if you never really saw it coming. That in just a single romantic scenario or gesture, it can change how you see him or her.

You are torn between telling him/her about how you feel or just shut up and kid yourself that you are “just friends”.

On the other hand, if its two way and what you felt is reciprocated, it’ll be like heaven on earth. LOL. It can even be the happiest moment of your life.

You can be friends and lovers at the same time. (Lucky bitch, right? :p) You can face the world side by side and hand in hand.

When you had been friends before the relationship, you have objectively knew each other’s strengths and weaknesses without being illogical which is usually caused by the love hormones.

Being friends with your partner is very important for me, because if you know when to be a friend to him or her, it decreases the pressure on them and allows them to trust you more and be open with what they feel.

Courtship on the other hand is a bit passe for me. I mean the traditional courtship : chocolates, gifts, flowers (does it ring a bell? :p). Well, I believe that this “courtship” thing should be done after you two are already a couple.

What I hated about this also is the “best foot forward (BFF)” tendencies. It gave woman false hopes about the real personality of the guy. This BFF must be done when the two have agreed to be committed with each other.

Surprise flowers and chocolates at home after a long day at work from the person you love is far much better than receiving it from someone who is putting up a “good boy” face just to get you. (I’m not bitter, I’m just stating the truth ok? :p)

Nevertheless, whether you started out as friends or entered thru the traditional courtship  its still the sincerity of the two people involve that matters most.

It’s all about how both of you manage to work on your “happily ever after”.

Running Out of Words

Sorry for my very disorganized handwriting in the picture.
I actually entitled this as “I ran out of adjectives” but on the second thought, I am not only running out of adjectives but “words” as a whole.
I have no professional lessons in writing, journalism and courses alike and I admit that my writing is really just so normal and very simple. (I always envy people who write so well! and also people who speak well in front of a crowd)
Nevertheless, this shouldn’t stop me from doing what I love.
Picking up writing styles from different blogs and books could also be a great way to enhance my writings.
A few years back when I was in elementary, I hated spelling and vocabulary subjects. I even got a grade of  78 in my language class before. I only had two line of seven grades when I was studying: Computer and English (both 78), never did I know, I’ll end up loving both of those subjects this time. tsk. (The irony of life)
I even remember not becoming an honor student because I was only 82 in our English subject. (In our school, we have to get an average of 88 without a grade of lower that 85 in each subject)
And instead of doing something to improve it, I dreaded those subjects and engrave in my mind that English is a pain in the ass. Never did I know that this is the language that I have to master.
If I only knew then, I should have noted all the words posted on the upper left or right side of our blackboard.
But, as I said, it will not be too late to study new words again. You might even laugh at me for what I am doing. But, I told myself that if I wanted to improve, I must really start to work from scratch and admit to myself the things I want to improve so I can become better.
From now on, learning new words from different books will be an additional vow that I should keep, along with reading at least two books a month.
Personal development won’t be too late at the age of 25. I’m even considering checking out some of our English books in high school just to get things done and improve. (I hope this will be effective :p)

Writer’s Block? Read

woman writing and crumbling papers Stock Photo - 13645760Up until now,I still don’t consider myself a writer. Though I loved writing, its not (yet) the best title I can give myself.
A girl who loves to write could be one though. Or blogger maybe. However, I just thought this article will help writers out there or people like me who loves to write  but sometimes, can’t get any topic to come out from them. During this time, most of the time, I get my ass off  and go somewhere else like going to the mall or just simply roam around alone. May it be in a library, go out and jog, go to my favorite book store, anywhere but inside our house.
However, sometimes, it still can’t help and can even make the situation worse.
So, I just grab a cup(s) of coffee in my favorite coffee shop or fast food chain and read a newspaper, magazine or I just bring my own book or buy a book.
In an instant or after 5 minutes or so, you will have that brilliant idea that you have longed for.
May not be the same idea that you initially wanted but just enough to fuel your brain up to start working as it is.
Sometimes, I write anything under the sun. Whatever I think about and just save it for sometime. It may not be the same subject that I wanted for that day but somehow, I can use them later on. I have had two big doodle notebooks that have served me well enough. Yes, I am old fashion who still writes using a pen and paper instead of typing and bringing my laptop somewhere.
Going out and breathing some fresh air is necessary for you to clear your mind so new ideas can come in. Enjoy writing! :))