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Ramblings of a People-Pleaser

“Libra’s are kind but some people construed it as their weakness”

Is being kind considered a weakness?
That is the question I keep asking myself. They’d say, fake it ’till you make it. But no matter how I feign sarcasm and rudeness just to conceal my total kindness; somehow, it has been a total fail. I can appear snob or indifferent for the first few hours you’d know me but after that “getting to know you” stage, I’d be all smiles and that natural kindness would come out.

Sometimes, I also hate myself from being too nice. Most of the time, I’d consider other people’s feelings more than mine. This kindness will eventually become a weakness if I’d meet a person who wouldn’t consider my feelings because I have allowed them to take mine (feelings) for granted. So far, I had been lucky enough to finally identify those people and when I do, all I have to do is make a detour and snob them as much as I can ( I just don’t want it to be so obvious so as not yo hurt their feelings; see, I still have the knack to think about how’d they’d feel even though I know, they really don’t care about mine.) They’d say, I am a people-pleaser whereas, I know in my heart I just don’t want chaos and I never want anybody to feel bad because of me.

 Sometimes, I think I have high EQ (Emotional Quotient) or I am just too naive and gullible at times.

I don’t get mad easily but when I do, it’ll stay for weeks, months and years. I had a hard time moving on and I keep grudges. That’s why I don’t want to get mad at anybody. For me, it’s like a glass – once broken, it’ll never be the same like before. Not that I don’t forgive, because I do, but I never forget. And that’s the real reason why I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feeling. I don’t want a mark in my forehead that says, “She hurt me before, and she might hurt me again.”

Being a people-please has its own perils too. Like delivering bad news. I am never good at playing the bad cop. Being the optimist also has a bad side. Sometimes, I am inside my personal bubble where it’s always sunny and no rainy days. It’s the stars that I see in every darkness and it’s always the half full one. But sometimes, I would also ask, does that mean I am not facing reality?

Is it really a sin to become a people-pleaser when all you want is peace from all sides and angles of the situation? Is it really hard to maintain balance in this world?

At the end of the day, this is the best me I want to be become.

Be Strong, but not rude.
Be kind, but not weak.
Be bold, but not bully.
Be humble, but not shy.
Be confident, but not arrogant.

I want to meet her soon.