I ran out of words, tongue-tied and I can not defend and explain myself and so with my answers. That’s what happened when I was interviewed and presented my case study when I applied for a higher position at work.
I wasn’t nervous and I wasn’t the same person I used to be. I think no one can make me that nervous anymore (unlike before). And I’d give the credit to that full year of roller coaster ride at work. At some point, I thought I was ready to step up and receive more responsibility. Just thinking about it was surreal but after those series of assessments, I realize I am not.
Those assessments I believe is not for the company to gauge your skills, decision-making and conviction but it’s for the candidate to know his/her readiness to face the upcoming stress/stressors that will come their way ahead.
It was never about position for me, It was about honing more people to become a better version of themselves. I imagine training trainers and those trainers will eventually train more people – not only with skills but also with the right attitude and behavior – thinking that I’d be able to share my life learning excites me. But I have to be aware that it is not a perfect world. There is black and there is white. Sometimes, gray must also be considered.
I even bought this book (How to Influence People by John Maxwell) to prepare but the more I immerse myself into it, the more I am realizing how inept I am just yet. I even didn’t finish the book because I have yet to know more strategies for myself before mentoring other people. If I mirror myself now, I realize, I’d be creating a person that is not yet so prepared. I know I am not yet ready for something bigger not because I don’t deserve it but because I have to experience more and have a full grasp of my own management style and personality.
I have realized a lot of loopholes that I have yet to fill in.
Thinking how my interview went still gave me headache and as we know, truth hurts and I am still hurt (and trying to move on) knowing my inabilities and incompetence.
On the other hand, I will always be thankful that I went thru that process because now, I know how it feels like to be “grilled” and get to see how I management myself when I am stressed.
If there is one triumph I get to claim after those events, I can now say, I am becoming comfortable being uncomfortable. That I can handle myself and I still have my calm persona in any situation. That I can still clearly think (though not fully explain myself) when placed in stressful situation.
I can not be more thankful for that experience and now, I have to start filling those loopholes and again, becoming a better version of myself will always be my goal in life. I don’t care how many version will I end up becoming but I know for sure, it will lead to where I should be and I will continue to work hard to be that person I always dreamed to be.