Yes, I have said that phrase again; not because I’ve “reset” but because of a new role that was given to me: Line Trainer.
I don’t usually accept promotions before even though I know I was qualified. One reason why was “inferiority complex”. I’ve always thought someone else is/are much better than me and they deserve it more than I do.
Fear is another thing. I was so scared to make mistakes. I thought you have to be perfect, exemplary intelligent and is very charming; which means, I thought, you ought to be extra ordinarily beautiful and is very pleasing to the eyes of the other people. I also feared responsibility before, thinking I was never good enough to handle big opportunities.
But, right now, I am slashing them off my list and left with only one trait necessary: Courage.
I was (and still) a happy-go-lucky girl but this time, in a non-conventional way. I have slashed off over thinking and paranoia as well. I started prioritizing things and I’m now ready to accept challenges and to experience the best of both worlds: Heaven and Hell.
I told myself, “I don’t want to chicken out this time.” I have had wasted a few years already and I will never allow myself to put this year to waste again.
The day after my first day with this role, has left me pondering on a lot of stuff and I had a handful realizations that is just starting to hit me. This role is not a joke. Not that I ever thought it was, but it was harder than I thought.
The “teaching” part is just the 25% of the whole package.
Just like that iceberg, the visible part was not even half of the whole story. The questions that remain though: Am I ready for it? Am I never gonna quit just like the others?
And I know, right deep inside my heart, I have an honest answer.
This is just the first day high. But, I know I am unstoppable and I’d still stick to “that” reason behind.
PS: “that” means
to become the best version